My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sober January is a disaster.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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