Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
