all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
