everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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