yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
