its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
