you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
