I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
