If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
