Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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