You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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