one word: firstdatebathroomanal
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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