theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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