so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
