haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
