He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
