i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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