tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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