I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is wine microwaveable?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
