Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
