he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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