9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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