dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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