I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
where are my eyebrows?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
