The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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