are you still at the devil's house?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
