I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
