You just made me feel so damn special
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
