He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
