the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
