I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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