How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
