She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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