i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
