belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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