its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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