turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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