The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you made out with another girl for some wings
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
