ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
