your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
