omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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