The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
