You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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