nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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