Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
