i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
