I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize