At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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