i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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