Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
