How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
