So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
