Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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