my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
