mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize