I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
