Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
