All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
