I accidentally had phone sex last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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