Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
