are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
